always another word to say

movin' on up

2012-01-31T14:35:00.003-05:00

i've moved! you can find me here: graceschofield.com

in an effort to keep everything i do in one spot, i've decided to move home to my name dot com. :o)

i hope you'll join me there to talk about ambition, encouragement, girl's ministry, good music & a good word, and Jesus.

you can also see a bit of my artwork, which takes a backseat to my word-filled life, but does not take a backseat in my heart :o)

i'm working on moving all my posts from here and here to my website for easier following. see you there!!

-grace

can i brag on my LORD?

2011-12-07T23:44:00.001-05:00

tonight driving to band practice God and i had a conversation. it looked like this.

God: do the people you love know why you do what you do?

grace: i don't think they know what i do.

God: maybe it's time you told them.

grace: yikes.

i do love a good conviction.

i realized as i drove that i rarely share the gritty details of my life with my family and friends. when people ask for updates on my life, i have a few typical answers. you've probably heard one of them:

"i'm really busy with work. i mean, it's great. i love what i do but i'm really busy."

"i can't see you this weekend because i've got some things to do with my youth group"

"things are good. not a whole lot going on. nothing new. work and church"

and while those things are not lies, they are also not full truths.

not even close.

when you ask me how my life is, what's new, what i've been up to lately, this is what you should be hearing:

i work for the baptist convention of md/de. i'm the associate director at their conference center, skycroft, and i also help run amped student ministry, which is the convention's state-wide student ministry. i plan events both at skycroft and for amped. we hold weekend youth retreats, training sessions for youth pastors, go on foreign mission trips and have 3 weeks of summer camp for students.

i get to be a small part of watching God reach students, change their lives, dedicate themselves to Him, and love others. i get to work with godly people who challenge me every day to grow in my own relationship with Him. i get to see thousands of people come to a conference center for refreshment, renewal and to spend time with our Saviour. i get to hear stories of how God is working in people's lives. i get to meet brilliant thinkers, passionate missionaries, and humble teachers. i get to hear stories of brokenness, healing, fighting, victories, struggles, mercies. how did i get so lucky?

7 years ago i showed up at a conference center with a degree in american history and i said "here i am. use me." and He is.

i am a member of summit trace church. i co-lead our youth group for 6th-12th graders. i teach students about Jesus. i hang out with teenagers i'm not related to on a weekly basis. i hug them. i go on coffee dates with them. i listen to their stories. i listen to their pain, their struggles, their victories, their healing. i push them and i challenge them to rise above what our culture would have them be. i challenge them to dream big and to live for someone other than themselves. i share life with teenagers who i'm not related to, and sometimes it can get messy.

i get to see a younger generation give their time. love selflessly. hurt terribly. fall repeatedly. trust blindly. seek truth. challenge social norms. succumb to peer pressure. rise against. i get to be a part of young people's lives AND have influence over them. how did i get so lucky?

7 years ago i showed up at a church with no prior experience or training and i said "here i am. use me." and He is.

i am a part of our worship team. i know nothing about music except for what i like to listen to and how to use my voice. i choose our songs for sunday services. i help coordinate practices and band schedules. i help lead the team on sunday mornings. i listen for God's leading and i worship Him in every moment i am able.

i get to see a congregation singing in praise to our King. i get to witness what it looks like to actually see God moving through a group of people. i get to feel God's presence in a tangible way. i get to lift up the voice He gave me and give it back to Him. how did i get so lucky?

3 years ago i quietly asked God if He ever wanted me to sing for Him. last year He answered me, and i said "here i am. use me." and He is.

i have a desire for girls to hunger for God. i have a desire for girls to be a living sacrifice to our King. i have a desire for girls to understand their worth in Christ. i have a desire for girls to break free from the chains modern media and culture have placed on them.

i get to speak to teenage girls about Jesus. i get to show them who He is and who they are because of Him. i get to talk to girls about sex, dating, abuse, eating disorders, cutting, sexual abuse, dreams, goals, friends, family, pregnancy, school and marriage. i get to see girls when the light bulb turns on and they understand who Jesus is for the very first time. i get to sit in triumph with them when they overcome addictions. i get to hold them when they confess their depression. i get to encourage them in their relationships with their mothers and fathers. i get to remind them daily that no man will ever fill a void they have. how did i ever get so lucky?

the short answer for what i do is that i am God's servant. i do none of this for my own praise. i don't need recognition and this was not meant to boast about myself or my abilities. especially because my abilities lack so. i do everything i do because i love Jesus more than i can express to you and i am sold out on His mission for my life. i have nothing to offer Him but myself, and i freely offer all of that to Him.

i know it doesn't look very normal. i know it seems like i work too much. i know it may look weird for a 29 year old woman to have teenage girls sleepover at my house once a quarter. i know it might not make sense to you. i completely understand. it looks crazy from the outside, i'm sure.

but the next time you ask me how i've been, what i've been up to, etc. can you do me a favor? can you challenge me by asking about my ministry? can you challenge me to answer you in the most honest way i can?

because the most honest thing i can tell you is this. my life is not about me. it hasn't been for a long time. so when you ask me about my life, i should tell you something like this: "in the words of trip lee, let me brag on my LORD..."

(trip lee- brag on my Lord)

ready or not?

2011-11-20T21:00:00.001-05:00

the most beautiful piece of art i have seen in a long. time.

hang in there. it's a little long, but it's absolutely worth it.

we all know a change is coming

2011-11-14T23:13:00.001-05:00

this is going to come as a shock to some of you.

but i am so excited for the changing that is going on in my life. there's a lot of it. some of it feels like it's been happening slowly over a long period of time. some of it is so sudden.

but for once i can say: i'm so ready. i might not be prepared, but i am so ready to be in it.

it is in this wind of change that God told me (just yesterday!) that i needed to do something different for my birthday.

the past 2 years i've come up with lists of 27 things and 28 things while i was those ages. well, in 2 days i'll be turning 29. yikes. normally, this would terrify me. but for the past 4 years i have been very excited about life. too excited to worry about numbers.

tonight i made a list of 29. but it's not a list of 29 things to do while i'm 29. yesterday on my drive to ocean city, God told me that this year my list was going to consist of 29 people.

i know a lot of people. and that is not to sound snooty. it's to say that God has placed me in a very interesting purpose and i have the privilege of meeting a ton of people.

this is helpful because God has built me to encourage people. which i am learning how to become better at every day of my little life.

so. the 29 people. who are they? why are they on my list? what is the purpose?
how will i fulfill the purpose?

1. i'm not sharing the names.

2. they were placed on my heart over the past 2 days. and they will be written on my heart throughout this year.

3. the purpose of this list is to love these people better.

4. i'm going to pray for these people. some daily, some weekly. i'm going to encourage these people when i get my 'feeling' to do so. i'm going to keep in contact with them frequently. i'm going to pray for some to accept salvation through Christ.

there are people on my list who i do not want to love. honest truth. they are difficult. they have hurt me in the past. i have held grudges against them. i have been more than angry with them. i have been more than annoyed by them.

and i'm pretty sure that's why their names were spoken to me tonight.

there are people on this list who need me to be bold for their soul's sake. there are people on the list who are very easy for me to love. easy for me to encourage. and the feeling i have for them is more of a burden that there is something big about to happen in their lives. that's exciting to me. :o)

i spent the past 2 years focusing on what kind of adventures i could have. what i could mark off a list. but i don't want to cross anything off anymore.

God's word to me was that the real adventure is investing in these people. and i have no idea why- for some of them. i guess that's all part of the adventure. :o)

we all know a change is coming. You called. i'm answering.

(jevetta steele/jeff buckley- calling you)

yeah, i'm on a mission

2011-10-11T21:05:00.003-04:00

my current most favorite running playlist.

enjoy:
young the giant- my body
trip lee- snitch
wakey!wakey!- almost everything
pro- mission to mars
fort christmas- the leave behind
tedashii- make war
the avett brothers- kick drum heart
tedashii- dum dum
wakey!wakey!- square peg round hole
the decemberists- this is why we fight
116- man up anthem
the decemberists- this is why we fight
lecrae- chase that

i like to run to a good beat for my feet :o) i run mainly on my treadmill, but i also love running outside through the city. this has a good mix of mid-tempo jogging and fast jogging. so if you're outside you can slow your pace with the music. i mean, you can clearly do that on the treadmill, but i prefer to keep a steady pace.

and yes, my anthem makes a double appearance. right when you need the extra push to finish strong. it's a total of 46 minutes :o)

do you run? what do you like to run to?

(pro- mission to mars)

i know

2011-09-27T00:20:00.001-04:00

hide and go seek

whoa. it's been a while. a long while.

jumping in. with...

good music and a good word.

i was listening to the swell season tonight on my way to a coffee date with one of my favorite ladies. i was listening to a song i've listened to a thousand times. but as i listened this time, i was also doing some self reflection. and, yikes... the song hit me hard.

so. here we go.

the rain

so. like most songs that speak to my heart... i literally started singing these lyrics to God as an apology.

of sorts.

you know that moment when you stop running? stop hiding? and you stop pretending that you're ok? i know i like to argue through it first. i don't like to admit when i'm wrong. i like to fight being wrong. i like to fight for me even when i know i'm wrong.

up until a point. that moment.

i know.
we're not where i promised You we'd be by now

but maybe it's a question of who'd want it anyhow?

okay.
we're not what i promised You we would become

but maybe it's a question of how much You'd really want

okay.
i’m not what i promised You i would become
i know we’re not what i promised You we’d be by now

have You had enough?
had enough?
there’s plenty more where that came from now

sometimes we wrestle with God. sometimes we yell out to Him when we know we’re at the end of a long game of hide and seek and we know we’ve been found. sometimes we like to convince Him we’re not worth the trouble and to move on to someone who has it figured out with Him.

the only problem is none of us really have it figured out. none of us are who we’ve promised Him we’d be by now. none of us have become yet. we’re becoming. and He hasn’t had enough. He wants us to always come back even when we’re not who we’re supposed to be. He wants us to keep admitting that we’re not there yet. that we need Him.

He will never have enough of you.

(the swell season- the rain)

every other day of the week is fine

2011-04-04T12:37:00.002-04:00

why are monday's so awesome? aside from this:

monday's are so good because 2 brilliant things happen on mondays.

first. every monday erin writes an article over on korked bats updating us ladies on which sports star we need to check off our "dream husband" list, which pro-sports team goes best with our eye color and what the basic rules of rugby are so we sound cool in conversations. highly funny, highly informative. here's today's article.

second. every monday seth releases a new episode of the time closet. i'm already hooked. you will be after you see the first episode. and i'm doubly excited because when you subscribe to the bonus features, you get to watch outtakes, podcasts, and if you subscribe before april 9 you could win cool things. sweet.

so. now monday's can be your favorite day of the week too, just like the mama's & the papa's.

(the mama's & the papa's: monday, monday)

oh, i love you from the top of my heart

2011-04-03T22:38:00.014-04:00

remember the time my sister was awesome and asked all of my very best friends to bombard my mailbox on april 1st???

i do.

it started on thursday with this package from shannon filled with hilarious things from 'the office.' she made me pesto with phyllis' photo on it. and filled the box with quotes and notes from her & dwight. it was awesome.

that same day pemmy sent me a series of postcards reliving the best moments of our epic shlishy roadtrip.

and i got a sweet blessing from melissa on the cutest polaroid card.

saturday i went to the post office to pick up the package pemmy sent me full of these awesome goodies from her neighborhood.

tonight when i got home i got a stack of 11 cards from yvonne that were so hilarious i almost peed my dress. complete with stickers, balloons and awesome drawings.

and i got a sweet & precious note from emily and surely shed some tears reading it.

someone may or may not have tipped me off that there was a plan behind it all. and as i went back and thought about all the conversations i've had this week thanking people for my mail... i realized their sneakiness. and it was awesome.

when i told pemmy that i don't get a lot of mail from people, i figured she'd just send me a postcard. but my sister doesn't half-ass anything. this was so good. :o)

thanks for the mailbox love this week, friends. you are seriously the very best. no joke. :o)

(sufjan stevens- all delighted people)

so innocent, so full of need

2011-04-01T14:44:00.002-04:00

i've got a new series over on ignite your bones this month. we're talking self-image and there will be quite a few guest bloggers. check it out, especially if you're a girl or if you work with girls.

real girls. sharing their real stories. pretty excited for what's to come.

(click photos for source)

(antony & the johnsons- sister)

and one day i could see it

2011-03-28T08:56:00.009-04:00

i have brilliant friends.

it's actually pretty awesome to have friends as brilliant as my friends are. i'm also very partial, but soon you will see just how brilliant my friends are, and you'll understand why they deserve whole blogs dedicated to their brilliance.

starting today, once a month i'm going to introduce you to one of my friends, their work, their brilliance.

get excited. :o)

(also get excited for more usage of the word brilliance)

we're starting with seth.

today is a big day for seth worley. today his team is launching the time closet. you're going to want to watch this trailer:

"The Time Closet" Series Trailer from Seth Worley on Vimeo.

seth has ideas. seth is funny. seth is a creative fool. and seth makes his ideas come to life.

not only does he make his ideas come to life, he encourages his own friends in their ideas and creative ventures. and he includes his friends in his ideas. which makes everything he does seem that much more special.

check out his site, which has a whole library of his work. you'll laugh. you'll shed a tear or two. you'll feel warmed in your heart as you watch. seth just impresses me. and i know that the time closet will impress you. and i hope you start following his work, because it won't disappoint.

also he has a dove award.

(the avett brothers- head full of doubt, heart full of promise)

this is the sound of one voice

2011-03-21T12:44:00.003-04:00

sunday wisdom from my parents

(click on all photos for sources)

technically it's not sunday. but wisdom a day late is better than no wisdom.

coincidentally, this is also less about wisdom and more about fathers.

:o)

last thursday, doug and i were on our way to reagan airport to pick someone up, but we were very early. as we were driving around the beltway, my foot hit my phone (which was on the floor) and dialed my dad without me knowing.

he called back and we chatted for a bit about taxes and sickness and other familial things. :o) we decided to meet my dad for lunch because he works in dc and we had 2 hours before airport time.

then i hung up the phone and i realized something.

i really love the sound of my dad's voice.

his voice brings comfort. familiarity. solace.

i struggled with whether or not i would share this fact. mostly because it both seems like a weird thing to say and because it's pretty personal.

but then i thought about something else.

i might be in a minority of people who feel the way i do.

i might be in a minority of people who can hear their father's voice and feel comfort.

i know a lot more people who feel fear, anger, hurt, sadness when they hear their fathers' voices.

i've read books about the correlation between earthly fathers and our Heavenly Father. i know people who've had trouble thinking of God as a good Father because they had bad examples in their own fathers.

it breaks my heart to know that not everyone can receive a phone call from their dad and end it smiling and happy.

but i'm encouraged to tell you that you can end every conversation you have with our Heavenly Father smiling and comforted. our Father who loves us unconditionally. who always has and always will.

if you can't say that about your earthly father, be comforted to know just how much God loves you and wants to talk to you. wants to hold you when you're sad. wants to speak comforting words into your heart. and wants you to trust Him.

"is He not your Father, your Creator, who made and formed you?" -deuteronomy 32:6

"for to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. and He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." -isaiah 9:6

"have we not all one Father? did not one God create us?" -malachi 2:10

"...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." -matthew 6:8

"for if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you." -matthew 6:14

"look at the birds of the air, they do not reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. are you not much more valuable than they?" -matthew 6:26

"I am the Good Shepherd. the Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep." -john 10:11

"my sheep listen to My Voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; and no one can snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of My Father's hand. I and the Father are one." john 10:27--30

"because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. for you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. and by Him we cry, Abba, Father. the Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." -romans 8:14-16

tonight i am thankful for my daddy who loves me, encourages me, and believes in me. and i am also thankful for my Father who loves me, encourages me, and believes in me.

He does all the same for you, too.

(wailin' jennys- one voice)

flowing through my fingers

2011-03-19T13:05:00.004-04:00

it's been a while, folks. and for good reason. i have had literally no time to do anything. i'm a busy lady and i'm only home for 2-3 hours a night before it's bedtime. and that's not enough time to relax and share a good word.

but today i have a good word.

let's talk about love.

love? are you sure?

yes. it's time. relax. and read on.

i want to start by posing a question for you to think seriously about. answer it to yourself.

who are you showing love to right now without expecting anything in return?

can you think of someone? or are you having trouble?

i've been faced with this question lately. and i've had to examine if i know what loving someone really means. and i've had to examine if i have people in my life who i unconditionally, unabashedly, unselfishly show love to.

those are tough words.

we live in a current culture in which everything is replaceable. disposable.

cell phones.
shoes.
eye color.
cars.
computers.
jobs.
houses.

when we're not satisfied, we throw things away and start fresh. we have so many options that little is sacred anymore. when we don't like something, or when something gets too hard, we decide we can always find an easier way of doing something. or we can find something new to replace whatever is not working.

we also want the newest and fastest thing out there.

the more we replace things, the more dissatisfied we become. with everything. being dissatisfied breeds more dissatisfaction. and that leads to us replacing more and more things.

what does this have to do with love?

everything.

because if we can decide that we are dissatisfied with things, we can also decide that we are dissatisfied with people.

we treat love like it is there for our selfish gain. and if we don't get what we want, we move on. we decide it's not worth loving that person anymore. we can replace them with someone else who will give us what we want.

i believe it starts early. and we really develop the notion of "works = love" in our teen years.

"if i make mom & dad dinner tonight, maybe they'll let me stay out later this weekend."

"if i take ashley home from school today, maybe she'll let me borrow that sweater i really like."

"if i bring mrs. allen her favorite soda before class, maybe i can get her to give me a better grade."

do those seem silly? maybe. but you're probably guilty of something like it.

it's called conditional love.

i'll do something for you if i get something out of it.

the thing is this.

we were never called to love people in order to gain something.

we were called to love people just to love people.

clearly the place to point you to is the Cross. Jesus didn't offer up His life because he was going to gain anything. He offered up His life because of an unselfish, unashamed, unconditional love.

and the thing about love is that it is for the benefit of the other person. we need to love people the way they need to be loved. love means consistently thinking of the other person. what is the best thing for that person. how do i show the best kind of love to that person.

it's messy to love someone unconditionally. it hurts sometimes. because sometimes what happens when you're doing something solely for another person, without any hope of receiving anything in return...

they do nothing in return.

can you handle that?

can you handle loving someone without the notion of them ever showing you the same type of love?

Jesus most surely did that for us. He did that with the knowledge that some of us would choose not to love Him back. but He loved us in that way anyhow.

i'm learning, very, very slowly, the art of loving people without wanting anything in return.

it's not easy. sometimes it's not fun. often it hurts.

but after the hurt comes the knowledge that loving that person was never about me. it was always about them. what they need.

today i am challenged. i am challenged to love people without any hope of being loved in return. it's not pessimistic. it's a calling.

who are you showing love to right now without expecting anything in return?

(sufjan stevens- you are the blood)

ignite your bones

2011-02-22T10:00:00.002-05:00

a little piece of what's going down in my life is the building of a girls ministry. there's many pieces to that puzzle, but one of them is a blog i started for girls & about girls.

so. if you read this blog and you're a girl, i'm going to ask you a favor. i'm going to ask you to follow this blog also: ignite your bones.

i'm trying to build a community. a community not only of teenage girls, but of women who have lived a little more life than those teenage girls. women who may be able to offer sound advice or comforting words to one of the girls who frequent the blog.

my hope is that the community will grow organically, but i'm going to ask some of you faithful ladies to support it in this beginning stage.

i'm excited. i'm excited because i want this to be a place where girls come to learn, share & grow. and i'm excited because this has been the biggest thing on my heart for so many years, now that it's becoming a reality... i can barely hold it in. :o)

so, THANK YOU. thank you. :o)

(coldplay- fix you)

You are faithful to the end

2011-02-22T08:47:00.004-05:00

the selfish parts of me want to hold onto all the goodness that i have been experiencing these past few months. i literally feel, every day, that i'm going to jump out of my skin with excitement.

i've been on the edge of a proverbial cliff for a few weeks now, but maybe much before then.

i asked God a long time ago how all of my passions were going to fit together. in my wildest dreams i never imagined it to look so simple while also being very intricate.

i never imagined that my life start to turn in this direction.

but it has.

what direction am i speaking of? it's still too early to talk about. and not because i'm selfishly holding onto the goodness. but because things are still falling in place and being decided.

i want to share the goodness. i want you to know that 'for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.' (rom.8:28)

i want you to know that 'those whom he predestined He also called, those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.' (rom.8:30)

i want you to 'say to the Lord, You are my Lord; i have no good apart from You.' (psalm16:2)

and i want you to trust that the path He has planned for you is better than you can imagine. it's better than anything you've dreamed up for yourself. because when the Creator of the universe dreams and plans, things like Heaven and earth happen. things like sunrise and sunsets, oceans and mountains, rainbows and waterfalls happen.

right now my life feels like the ocean and a waterfall.

He has that for you.

be patient.
be obedient.
be faithful.
be trusting.

your mountain is coming. i know it.

'it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me. and i'm feeling good.'
(feeling good, newley & bricusse)

(chris tomlin- all to us)

why we lie awake

2011-02-07T12:30:00.007-05:00

good music & a good word

at first i only wanted to share this song with you. then i listened to it 7 times in a row and a good word came to me. so, i'm going to tell you first a little story. a little story about this song. and tomorrow, the decemberists and a secret person will be my artist spotlight for the week. you're not going to want to miss this.

hands down my favorite song on the decemberists' new album is this is why we fight. it feels furious. it feels important. it feels confident and it feels dire.

lately i've been thinking about what i do, what i'm called to do, the things God has put before me. i've thought a lot about my age, my desires, my passions and my relationships.

and after listening to this song, as i said before, 7 times in a row today... i've come to the conclusion that this song describes exactly how i feel about my life right now.

come the war
come the avarice
come the war
come hell

this is why
why we fight
why we lie awake
and this is why
this is why we fight

when we die
we will die
with our arms unbound

every day is a fight. i tell people all the time that i believe loving someone is a fight. you get to choose the person you're willing to fight for and with forever. God fights for us and we should fight for Him and for each other.

sometimes we only think of the word 'fight' in a bloody, war-torn, menacing way. but when you think about fighting for a cause or fighting for a person, the word becomes more about honor than it does brutality.

i love the thought of fighting to make a relationship work, grow & be the best it can be. i love the thought of caring so much that you're willing to fight things out.

because the alternative is to give up. the alternative to fighting isn't loving. those go hand in hand. the alternative to fighting is surrender. giving up.

you'd better believe that if you are in my life, i'm willing to fight for you. but you also need to fight back. and i'll tell you honestly: if you're not willing to fight with me or for me, then i cannot keep you. i've only got room for fighters.

i fight every day. i fight the urge to quit ministry and have an 'easy' life. i fight the urge to sit and watch 3 hours of a dumb tv show as opposed to making journals or organizing photo projects. i fight to make my relationship with my mother & father better than they are.

i fight to make sure my girls understand how much beauty they possess inside. i fight every day to teach my kids that embracing Christ is vital and everything else pales in comparison.

i fight to show that my life has forever been changed by Jesus and come hell, i'm going to keep fighting. and when i die, i will die with my arms unbound. freedom.

this is why i fight.
this is why i lie awake.
this is why i can't and won't stop.

this is a good interview with colin meloy, but if you just want to hear a beautiful, stripped down, very raw and very amazing version of my favorite song, skip to 16:15. i'm just in love with it.

(the decemberists- this is why we fight)

we weren't afraid

2011-02-02T10:39:00.003-05:00

artist spotlight
sleeping at last

it's no secret that i am in love with sleeping at last's music. if you didn't know... you do now.

first and foremost, i love the lyrics. here's a taste.

if love's elastic, then were we born to test its reach? - homesick

well it took a million wrong notes just to find a single melody and key. -next to me

trust is quicksand claiming everything i have. all to give me life. -quicksand

and like every birth, it was a necessary pain... i know, i know... it's all worth the wait, worth the weight. -porcelain

from the ground up i'll keep building houses into homes. -bright & early

the smartest thing i've ever learned is that i don't have all the answers. just a little light to call my own. -emphasis

you were meant for amazing things. -umbrellas

this war that you've been fighting has already been won. i just want to survive with you by my side. - dreamlife

a single voice in an ocean of constant noise somehow our ears were trained to recognize when we hear you call our name. -side by side

my hands are shaking, ready or not. invisible ink, well it's all i've got. some call it reckless, i call it breathing. -accidental light

dear true love: i'm a writer without any words. i'm a story that nobody heard when i'm without you. i am a voice, i am a voice without any sound. a treasure map that nobody found when i'm without you. -dear true love

my heart. literally melted. just now.

i love that they have teamed with ONE artist for all of their album artwork. i love that when i see geoff benzing 's art i immediately think of sleeping at last and when i'm listening to sleeping at last i immediately have one of geoff's watercolors' painted in my brain.

(i'm still accepting any and all gifts from his site. i know you were wondering.)

lastly. i love what they are doing right now. i love that they had the guts to say they were going to record 3 new songs every month for ONE YEAR.

think about this with me. if you are an artist/creator type, you should be pretty impressed.

they said: we're going to write, record, produce, and mix 3 brand new songs every month for an entire year. not covers. not remixing their old songs.

3. brand new. songs.

as a painter... that task seems extremely overwhelming. because i do not produce paintings that i am proud of all the time. in fact, i produce some crappy things before i get one that i really love.

think about your own creations. are you able to focus solely on creating 3 items ready to share with the world every 30 days? i can create a lot of things. but not all of them are meant to be seen.

sleeping at last is doing something amazing. and it's hard. it's not been easy. and this is a very short month to write 3 songs. and not only are they writing songs, they are writing great songs.

this is going to be a year they look back on and will be able to be really proud of. because they are doing something unheard of. something big. something that took a lot of guts.

that's an artist.

(i suggest you subscribe to their yearbook project. you will not be disappointed. i promise.)

(sleeping at last- learning curve)

when you need directions, i'll be your guide

2011-01-30T15:59:00.004-05:00

sunday wisdom from my parents.

so i have story that just got me thinking about the things i have learned from my parents over the years. and then i decided that a weekly lesson of what my parents have taught me is kind of a cool idea. especially because i advocate for parents all the time. i need to prove that you will look back and be able to realize the things your parents have taught you actually stick with you.

today my mom helped me shovel out my car which i had gotten stuck in my very long driveway last night. she's pretty awesome.

but that's not the point of this story.

because she's also the reason my car was stuck where it was. but that's a good thing. and it is the point of the story.

last night i drove home after a very nice day in baltimore, showing someone the city and visiting friends. when i was on my way home i knew i was not going to be driving down my driveway. because it's long. very curvy. and still had 3 inches of snow/ice on it. but when i went to turn around at the very top of the driveway, where it had been plowed, my car started to slide and it slid into a snowbank and then kept sliding further down my driveway.

fantastic.

so, naturally i called my mom. because she's a beastly snow driver and she lives 3 minutes away.

but she wasn't home.

sad. day.

but this is what she said:

'grace, i know you're scared and i know you don't want to keep driving your car down on the ice. you can't back up. your car is front wheel drive and backing up an incline is not going to work. you can't go backwards. you just have to keep going until you can find a spot that is safe to leave it until tomorrow. just calm down and drive slowly, you know you're fine driving if you just take a deep breath and calm yourself a little bit. i'll come get you in the morning.'

so i did what she said. i drove slowly. i got to a safe part in the driveway. got my car stuck there. and she picked me up before church this morning. and after church she helped me clear out my car and shovel me a spot where i could park and not get stuck.

here's the lesson.

she told me to stop being afraid. she didn't come rescue me. she told me i couldn't back up, i had to go forward.

it's not about my car. it's not about the snow or the long driveway.

it's about the challenge.

it's about the time lydia's car got a flat tire and melissa said 'don't call triple a, i'll change it. and then i'll teach you how.'

it's about my sister saying 'in 3 months i'm going to be living in san diego in my own apartment.' and doing it.

it's about the challenge.

we need to be challenged. we don't need people to allow us, or especially help us, go backward.

we need people who help us go forward. even if we get stuck.

because those people who challenge you to go forward will be the ones who help you get unstuck, too.

(death cab for cutie- passenger seat)

dressed up like the eskimos

2011-01-28T15:38:00.002-05:00

i stumbled upon something so fun and cute that i just had to share.

found this cute, cute blog the other day: easelainteasy

breena writes comics about the adventures of her life. :o) she also records music for fun.

and here's where the sharing comes in. this album she recorded with her brother is the CUTEST. they wrote 11 songs about all their cousins as a christmas present. oh my goodness. it's just fun.

it's been playing all day in my office and i've gotten a lot, a lot accomplished today. i'd like to think good music has been a catalyst. anyhow. it's a free download! so do it!

(shawn & breen wiederhoeft- laura)

i will fly you to the farside

2011-01-24T21:20:00.005-05:00

artist spotlight.

in honor of melissa's brilliant idea, inspiration week, i have decided to start a little something to tell you about artists i love with my whole heart.

this first artist spotlight is for 2 ladies who send chills up my spine when they sing. one is current and unique, one is an iconic singer with soul.

first up: shara worden of my brightest diamond.

(photos will take you to source)

wow. so the first of the many things i love about shara worden is her incredible voice. and it's just something you need to experience:

(ps. not to mention that there is enough inspiration in that stinking adorable video for an entire day of creating. i LOVE it.)

there are singers... and then there are artists who use their voices as an instrument. shara has impeccable control over her voice. the things she can do, where she can take her voice.... just wow. her voice is commanding. by herself, she sounds like a rock opera or a huge, dark broadway number.

i also love her attention to detail in her album artwork and her photos. she takes such amazing photos. she's got a classy and classic face. i would love to do a creative shoot with her sometime. sigh.

i am grateful to the decemberists for having her sing as the queen on the hazards of love. because now i am a huge fan. i just think she's a pretty amazing lady. try listening to the album a thousand shark's teeth. and try NOT to be inspired. because you'll have to try hard.

secondly. roberta. flack.

there's not a lot to say about roberta. you just need to hear what she does. this is one of my all time favorite songs. ever.

you play me this song, put it on a mix... i may literally melt in front of you.

she makes music sound effortless. in contrast to shara, her voice is delicate, endearing, nostalgic, haunting. she starts singing and you just have to stop. i was trying to come up with a nice metaphor for roberta flack's voice, but they kept involving owls and dodo birds and made no sense. so, just know that i can't even come up with words for how her voice makes me feel. that's the best thing that art can do. completely internalize your thoughts leaving you with the feeling your heart gives you because of it.

i'll tell you why these ladies inspire me so.

like i said before... some people can sing well, and others can transport you to a feeling. not just a different time or space, but an actual feeling. it's hard to do. i listen to a lot of music that does not do that for me. but sitting down and listening to a roberta flack record? i mean, i literally feel different. i can't explain it. it just happens.

music is inspiring when it makes you stop what you're doing just so you can focus on the words or the sounds. it's also inspiring when it makes you feel like you can create a painting,build a tree-house or carve a garden gnome.

these two ladies make me feel creative. they make me want to share the things i do with the world. :o)

(the decemberists w/shara worden: the queen's rebuke/the crossing)

someone could have warned you

2011-01-23T13:10:00.002-05:00

i hope to make this fast.

but first, a few terms you need to know for this post and future posts.

my kids: i am a youth leader. i have a group of students/youth/kids. i do things with them/for them often. they know that they mean more to me than just saying 'my students.' i do not have children. but i will often say things here like: 'i was talking with one of my kids...' please know who they are, though i will never name them publicly.

my girls: ditto for all of the above. when i say 'one of my girls' i will not be referring to hanging out with one of my friends. there is a distinct difference. not in how much i care about either party, but my relationship to the 2 groups is much different.

ok. onto the purpose.

i was just driving home from a great sunday service. and a great after-service where i spent a lot of time talking to a lot of different people. driving home i called one of my girls to invite her to coffee this week and just to check in.

i am here at home for a brief half hour before i will pick up one of my girls so we can go to another kid's basketball game. a seventh grade basketball game.

here's the point. i got off the phone and started thinking about my spare time. i don't have a lot of it. and i LOVE that. i absolutely, seriously LOVE the ability to say 'i'm coming to your game this afternoon.' and take other kids with me.

i LOVE meeting with my girls for coffee after work.

i genuinely and sincerely LOVE having my spare time filled with teenagers.

weird? no. atypical of a 28 year old? probably.

as i was thinking of all that, this song came on:

now. i LOVE this song. i mean, really. but, as i do with most every song i listen to... i heard something spectacular this day.

because the most beautiful thing about art is that it means something different to everyone. and it CAN mean something different. the artist owns how the piece makes THEM feel. but you own how it makes YOU feel.

today i heard these lyrics:

but no one's gonna love you more than I do
no one's gonna love you more than I do

and for me, it's so easy to get caught up in everything fleshy and earthly and all that. it's easy for me to sit back and say 'i have ZERO time for a social life. i'm always having to take a kid here or there or do this or that. i need time for me to be ME.'

and i'm ok with feeling that way.

but only because God uses quiet moments in a song to tell me that no one's going to love me more than He does.

and this is where He has me.

and this is the passion He gave me.

and i'm just living it out.

and because i know no one's ever going to love me more than He does, i also know that it's my calling and responsibility to play that out in the lives of my kids. they need to see it. they need to feel it from me.

and that's why i love so many things right now.

Jesus' love and mercy and grace.
going to 7th grade basketball games.
taking girls out for coffee.
making tacos in a crock pot so i don't have to keep feeding kids taco bell. (vomit)

take comfort in the fact that no one is ever going to love you more than He does. and always has. and always will.

(band of horses- no one's gonna love you)

a million more miles

2011-01-22T15:57:00.004-05:00

last night i spent some much-needed hours pouring over my jobs from the past year. it was due time for a website update. i'm finally able to feel proud when i send someone to the wedding section of my website. this collection of my work finally represents who i am as a wedding photographer.

it was also time for a few new faces and musicians to be added. :o)

here's a little teaser of the new photos. click on each image to see the updated sections of the site. enjoy!

updating the site made me really, really excited for the jobs i have coming up. newborn shoot on monday and my first corporate portrait shoot in a few weeks. fun, fun, fun! :o)

(trent dabbs & joy williams- a million miles to go)

i'll fold every failure into a crane

2011-01-20T23:40:00.003-05:00

some life lessons after a major ministry day:

1. my art is something precious and dear to me. something that i still feel very apprehensive about sharing with people because of fear. fear that it's not good enough. that i'm not talented enough. that what i have to offer is not needed in the world.

i hope i'm not alone there.

but all of those fears tend to keep me pretty reserved when it comes to sharing my photography, my paintings, my designs, etc. for someone who has no schooling in any of those areas, who makes up everything as i go along, who learns through a lot of failures... sharing is scary.

but yesterday God reminded me that i can't worry about all of that. He used one of my favorite songs to do it, and it was while i was designing some images for a very important blog for my boss BOSS.

'trust is quicksand, claiming everything i have. all to give me life.' -sleeping at last

what's fantastic about this particular song is that when i first heard it i got the lyrics all wrong. i thought he was saying 'just as quicksand's claiming everything i have.' well, that's literally depressing.

but when you put the correct vocabulary in there... how hopeful! how beautiful a thought. it's now about surrender. it's now about releasing the fear and giving everything you have to trusting.

and it's hopeful because of the next line: all to give me LIFE.

so. it came on my playlist for the day. Hallelujah. and then it brings me to my next ministry moment.

2. i spent nearly 2 hours with one of my girls after school. this was a big victory. anyone who is in youth ministry knows the girl i met with. she's quiet. sometimes sneaky. very quirky. she doesn't open up like a lot of the other youth do. but you can tell there's a lot going on with her.

yesterday i spent 2 hours with her. because she asked me to.

victory.

and it was brutal and it was beautiful. and i was again hearing those lyrics on my drive to meet her. because as much as i love this ministry, and i mean LOVE it, i have to admit how scared i still get just before entering one of these times.

'what is she going to say? how will i respond? what if she tells me something horrifying? what if i have no idea what to say to her? what if she never wants to meet with me again?'

so on my way, i prayed for a soft heart, soft ears and God's words, not mine.

and you know what? most of my scary questions happened. horrifying things. things i had no words for. questions on how to respond.

but something better happened. God provided. words. the ears i needed. the calmness i needed. the open arms.

victory.

3. i have been sick for a few weeks. i can handle sickness. but when it caused me to literally lose my voice, i couldn't sing.

devastation.

last night was the first night i was able to use my voice for singing in 3 weeks. i was very thankful. and it felt magical to use it again. just fabulous.

but the past few weeks have really got me thinking. about taking care of our gifts. it's easy for me to take care of my camera.

keep it in a case.
don't spill water on it.
don't drop it in the ocean.
keep the lenses clean.
get a warranty.
use the warranty.

it's easy for me to take care of my paintbrushes. my beads. my paper and markers and all my crafting goodies.

but my voice? i've never thought about taking care of it like i take care of my other gifts and talents. it's not something tangible that i can keep tucked away in a padded case, only to take it out when i need to use it. i use it every day. maybe not to sing, but to talk. and i talk a lot.

i've been thinking a lot over the past 3 weeks about being truly grateful. i'm blessed beyond my imagination. but am i truly grateful for those blessings at every moment in my life?

the past few days, i really, truly have been. truly grateful for the food i'm able to eat. truly grateful for my voice's ability to heal. grateful for a heart and a brain and courage. :o)

i sang at a church gathering last night. it was a time of great & powerful sharing. and we talked a lot about trust. about putting our whole trust in God and what He's teaching us right now.

and for a third time yesterday, i was reminded of the song quicksand. and how i want my trust in Him to claim everything i have.

because that will give me life.

(sleeping at last- quicksand)

happiness hit her

2011-01-16T14:29:00.003-05:00

(here)

sometimes. you just need a little sunshine. and time with your best friend.
to take away the winter blues.

when i get home, i'll share some cute photos of pemm's new apt. right now we're going to have fun being together. :o)

love. love. LOVE.

(florence + the machine- the dog days are over)

just like everybody else does

2011-01-12T19:01:00.004-05:00

tonight.

tonight i am

mad
sad
feeling large & ugly
feeling anxious
feeling out of place
feeling annoyed
wanting to move to hawaii
wanting to move anywhere but this mountain death hole
wanting to take a break from always being encouraging
crying over my dishes
crying about my poor little stuck car

suffice it to say that my yearly winter blues are hitting me pretty hard tonight. it started at work when i made a list of all the things i had to do and surprise things kept popping up. and i got derailed and wanted to do none of it.

it got worse when i tried to go to band practice and my car slid backwards into a ditch slash the side of the mountain.

poor bee.

now i'm home. feeling all of those above things.
and crying.

normally, i like to see the beauty in everything. but not tonight. tonight the wind outside is making me angry. my car being stuck is making me angry. the snow and the ice is making me very angry. and when i'm angry, i cry. a lot.

winter blues.

you can leave anytime you want.

until then. i have the smiths, the cure and the national to help me with my moodiness.

get me to california to be with my sister. get me there fast, please.

(the smiths- how soon is now)

life on coffee & flowers

2011-01-11T10:57:00.003-05:00

my playlist for the day. enjoy:

(the national- conversation 16)

they're going to come true

2011-01-07T16:42:00.003-05:00

ONE WEEK!!!

i get to help my sis start another new chapter.
how. stinkin. exciting.

:o)

(antony & the johnsons- you are my sister)

streams of mercy, never ceasing

2011-01-05T17:27:00.003-05:00

excerpts from a letter:

dear future grace,

the past few years have been all over the place. in the lowest points, God was not the top focus. instead, you tried to solve lots of problems that were too far out of your control...

...continue to live free but start spending your time being productive, motivating & loving. don't stop taking risks. take more. i hope when you open this you'll have taken more big steps, huge risks & loved people even when it was hard. don't settle for mediocre, you have to be the person God designed you to be.

preach the word. be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke & exhort, with complete patience & teaching... as for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
2 timothy 4:2-5

but the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and goodfruits, impartial and sincere.
james 3:17

o, house of jacob, come let us walk in the light of the LORD.
isaiah 2:5

-grace

if you ever want to be rocked to your core, write to your future self.

seal it in an envelope. have someone mail you that letter a year later.

find out how much you've grown. or worse, how you haven't.

when i do this again, i will write goals that i can specifically look back and say that i reached. this is more than a '28 for 28' list. this is a letter about who you are inside, who you are in Christ, and if those 2 things match up.

i'm challenging you now. do it. write your letter right now. you have nothing to lose. everything to learn.

(come thou fount of every blessing)

lately i've lost my tongue

2011-01-04T21:39:00.003-05:00

today was a sick day. i'll spare the details of the sickness.

sick days call for sleeping a lot and laying on the couch, watching movies. in my case, there's always too many to choose from, thanks to kelly leaving 1,000,000 of her collection here.

so. i chose 2 movies i've never seen but should have watched, as they won oscars like a million years ago. then sarah and i watched the premiere of biggest loser.

all of this left me thinking about the human psyche. yikes.

let's begin.

gone baby gone.
aside from being in love with casey affleck, this movie was brilliant. but this isn't a movie review.

here's the thing about the characters in gone baby gone. i felt for them and wanted to hit them all at least one point in the movie. because they all thought they were doing the right thing. they were all motivated by something selfish. they all used their personal feelings or history to make decisions. decisions that ultimately would affect a little girl's life.

and it made me realize that we operate that way on a regular basis. when giving advice to others, we typically think 'this is what i would want to hear if i were in this position.' we love others the way that we want to be loved. we confront people in arguments the way that's best for us, not them.

i'm not saying that this is entirely bad. we say what we know. we do what we know. we share what we were given. we've lived the lives we've lived for reasons. we meet the people we've met for reasons. and we give to those people based on what we've learned, what we've been through, how we feel.

seeing that play out on screen just had me thinking about how to change it. how do we give advice by feeling like the other person? how do we act so it's best on the behalf of the other person? how do we love people they way they need to be loved?

i don't have an answer. i just want you to think about it.

next. no country for old men.
did not love this movie. javier bardem was great, but the movie was too long and there wasn't enough dialogue for me. anyhow...

wow. people are crazy. i mean, you're going to risk your life, the life of your family for money? not just a normal risking of your life... but on the run, telling your wife to hide, getting shot up and followed around by a crazy man? a literal CRA. ZY. man.

and about that crazy man. whoa. i mean, scary.

the point. there are people out in our world like this. willing to run drugs with their 3 year old daughter. willing to steal $2 million dollars and run across texas. willing to kill as many people as they want. without reprehension. it just makes me sad. i don't have any more words for that right now. it just makes me sad.

next. the biggest loser.

it's no secret that i love this show with my whole heart. it's the only reality show that i feel does anything truly good for people. what i do not love are the commercials in between this show. commercials like the ones toyota did for their highlander. it makes me want to vomit. kids calling their parents lame. kids deciding what their parents drive. i realize it's just a commercial. but it says a lot about the status of america.

unfortunately, so does the biggest loser. this season is riddled with parent-sibling teams. and it makes me sad to know that this is representative of the american family.

overabundance. overindulgence. overstimulation.

leaving you with two things. because now i'm tired and have a headache.

one. sarah and i have resolved to live by candlelight to keep the electricity bill down.

two. leonard knight says the following: 'keep it simple. why do we always make love so complicated?'

(upon proofreading this, i'm labeling it a sick post. this is all kinds of random and inconclusive. sick post.)

(joshua radin- today)

the future is brighter than any flashback

2011-01-01T15:50:00.003-05:00

2010.

yesterday i was recalling how we spent new years eve last year.

it was a weird night. it made me afraid that the entire year would be weird.

turns out, it was. but in the best way possible. it all happened so, so fast.

what did 2010 look like for this girl?

i spent (nearly) the entire year with my best friend in the whole world.

and we took lots of photos together. which i am so very, very thankful for. with my whole heart.

i took photos of beautiful ladies dressed as hollywood starlets.

i started rosemary&vera with my sister during the great blizzard.

i had 3 photos submitted in my very first art show.

i started designing with a graphic tablet.

the Lord unearthed a passion in me and the words to share with girls.

i got a new job.

experienced LOST from the beginning, to the very end with pemmy.

i struggled through lots of change. and i'm still learning how to do that.

i directed my first summer of camp. which was amazing. life changing. and more.

started an art club and helped friends to be creative.

i watched my roomie and dearest friend kelly move out of our house and into her dream.

i photographed 3 weddings.

finally unveiled my photography website.

spent the year singing with my church worship team and finding my voice.

i did a lot of self-reflection. a LOT.

i took the trip of a lifetime with my sister. across our country. but across much more than that.

overwhelmed myself on a regular basis by thinking how far i've come in the past 3 years.

had my life rocked & challenged at all the youth events we've been a part of in the last 5 months.

bought enough music over the year to open my own record store.

took our 3rd annual magical southern christmas tour, arguably the best yet.

loved a lot of people. learned how to love a lot of people. learned how not to love a lot of people.

when i think back on the year 2010, i'm going to remember it as the year i changed the most. i'm going to remember it as the year i spent with my sister. i'm going to remember it as the year i started opening my heart. i'm going to remember it as the year God shook me from my complacency and gave me new eyes. new desires in my heart. and most of all a fire in my bones. i'm going to remember 2010 as a year of tremendous growth.

i sometimes think it's silly to base our changes in something so simple as december 31 ending. but i understand the need for a new hope. putting things behind you and looking forward.

i learned this year that i have the option to do that every single day. it doesn't just happen once a year.

i know that 2011 is going to be intense. and challenging. and possibly even more growing that 2010. i'm so ready for more unknown. i'm embracing it more than i ever imagined i would be able to.

i hope that whatever this year was for you, you are ready for what is about to happen. because i know it's going to be huge. and since it's january, you have a blank slate.

draw on it. color in the details. write some new pages in your story. work hard. stay focused. take risks. love people. go on adventures. #januaryisforfireworks

i'm working on all of those things.

and i'm so, so excited.

(sleeping at last- january white)

if you want His kingdom

2010-12-27T23:18:00.003-05:00

here

in need of some good words?

yeah, me too :o)

'overcome the notion that you must be regular. it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary.' -uta hagen

'she decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. and birds fluttered around her, writing "yes" in the sky.'

'what you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. it will decide what gets you out of bed in the mornings, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you. fall in love. stay in love. and it will decide everything.' -pedro arrupe

'this is a space for dream words. love words. made up words. flying words. fall down and get up words. get to know the sound of your own inner voice. be creative. be generous. be bold.'

here

'it is without question our duty to honor the love of every human heart as we would our very own.'

'greater are those who are with love than all who are against.'

'any given moment can change your life. you just have to be there.'

'the only use of an obstacle is to be overcome. all that an obstacle does with brave men is, not to frighten them, but to challenge them.'
-woodrow wilson

'men do change, and change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass.' -john steinbeck

here

'look, i don't want to wax philosophic, but i will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.'
-mel brooks

'trust is quicksand, claiming everything i have. all to give me life, all to give me life.' -sleeping at last, quicksand

'and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.' -anais nin

'Jesus is on that mainline
tell Him what you want
call Him up and tell Him what you want
well, the line ain't never busy

well, if you want His kingdom
tell Him what you want'
-Jesus on the mainline

'the miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.'
-mark twain

(Jesus on the mainline)

contagious and spreading quick

2010-12-26T23:40:00.003-05:00

(here)

it's been some time...

but i have something i need to say. enjoy.

i've been praying recently for us to be able to see each other not as we normally would. but to see each other as Jesus sees us. we get really concerned with appearance, both physical and spiritual, emotional and relational... and so i've been thinking about the word transparent. which can be one of those words that people throw around but hardly ever aspire to.

if you think about the word as it is defined:

'allowing light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen; easy to perceive or detect; having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived.'

then it sounds scary. having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived. this means ALL our thoughts, feelings and motives. and if we're being really honest, i'm not sure i want everyone to know all my thoughts, feelings and motives. they are not good all the time. in fact, i would say a majority of the time my thoughts, feelings and motives are selfish. unflattering. spiteful. terribly monster-like.

but if there is anything that i have learned recently, it's this.

i'm not alone.

we all have terribly monster-like thoughts, feelings, motives.

and i expect people to love me in spite of being monster-like.

so. i think it's time for me to start loving monsters.

and i think i should start by being a bit transparent myself. yikes... ripping off the band-aid.

- i like to control most situations. i'm working on not controlling you.

- i like to be right all the time. at the expense of others. i do not like looking dumb. i'm working on admitting when i don't know something.

- i like things to stay somewhat the same. don't mess with my traditions. only i can change them. this weekend i enjoyed misfit christmas. because i let go.

- i like to make things better. right away. i don't like people to be mad. especially not at me. last week i had to learn to let people have space. not everyone works out their issues like i do. some people need time.

- i like to be involved in everything. i'm working on stepping back. the world does not revolve around me. in fact it moves really well on its own.

upon review, this is a mild case of transparency. thin. veiled. shallow.

see, even my first attempt needs some revision. i'm not really sure i want to do that just yet.

but. i'm working on it.

this all started because i had this thought. this simple thought that we just need to be able to see through the thick coat of monster we sometimes wear. Jesus does. He knows the cracks we have in our hearts. but He knows why they're there. how they got there. and He accepts us with those cracks, in our monster suits.

can you accept me in my monster suit? i'm not always wearing it. but when i do, i need for you to know that it's temporary. and i'm going to love you as a monster, too. because i know there's more to you than that.

i know it.

(sleeping at last- heaven breaks)

His law is Love

2010-12-15T22:30:00.005-05:00

my house.
a car with heat.
a full-time job.
the ability to buy groceries.
and a jacket.
friends & family who love the heck out of me.
the gifts & talents i've been given.
Forgiveness. Grace. Savior.

as i walked from my car into my house yesterday, i had one thought. and one thought only.

in this current time, i have everything i need.

i should have no want for anything more.

in this current time, i have no right to feel i need anything more.

not when i see & feel how this current time is.

(o, holy night)

our ears were trained

2010-12-07T14:29:00.007-05:00

(here)

have you ever had one of those moments where you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your life was shaping up to be exactly what it was supposed to be? a moment when you realize you don't have everything you want, you have everything you need. a moment when you realize that you are in the thick of God's will for your life, without knowing exactly how you got there?

the past week has been just that for me.

i'm talking earth shattering, God knocking on my skull, taking His finger and pointing my nose in one direction, speaking directly into my ears and my heart. i'm not going to share the dirty details. not because they are boring. but because some things are so ridiculously amazing that you want to hold onto them for a little while before unleashing it to the public.

i will say this. God is revealing, in many little moments what my purpose is. to be honest, He's revealing it as a puzzle. and i've definitely not received all the pieces yet. but i think because God deals with me in a way that my brain loves and comprehends most, this puzzle is going to be glorious.

(here)

does this all sound crazy? i hope it does. because crazy is how i know it's God and not me. i am genuinely out of control right now. in the best, most organic way possible. i can't wait to tell you about it. and you. and you. and you.

but i'm going to take this moment to let you revel in the bliss that i am in. the knowing little bits and pieces. little moments. that are soon to take a larger shape. i want you to be exited. because all of my excitement means something much bigger for you. don't believe me? that's fine. i'm here to show you.

so be excited for me. but more than that, be excited for you.

because i have big things to tell you. and show you. and inspire in you.

and i'm just getting started.

(sleeping at last-side by side)

isn't all we could be

2010-12-06T11:45:00.004-05:00

you haven't heard much from me on the music front lately.

let's change that.

what i'm currently loving:

yellow ostrich- whale

sleeping at last- needle & thread

sufjan stevens- chicago

fun.-be calm

the head & the heart- winter song

lydia-all i see

fort christmas- the leave behind

sleeping at last- accidental light

and, without video: derek webb, hallelujah

just a few new & old songs to enjoy this day. i've got more, but lets save those for tomorrow... :o)
(plus my favorite winter/christmas songs coming soon...)

what are you loving music-wise?

(lydia-all i see)

look beneath the floorboards

2010-11-28T16:58:00.002-05:00

some truths of today:

- sufjan stevens' illinoise will always rock my world. so. good.

- i'm into baking right now in a bad way. as in, i have baked something every day of this thanksgiving break. for no reason at all.

- turns out bravery can be really fun.

- i love almond milk.

- in exactly 7 days i will be able to breathe again and hopefully start making progress & good changes.

- i was made for girls minstry. and art ministry. ask me what i mean. cause i love telling this story.

- redemption is the most beautiful thing i have in my life right now.

- ella fitzgerald & louis armstrong are seriously my most favorite. but they get my heart into a lot of trouble.

- i'm ready for an adventure. and i'm ready to plan an adventure for you.

(sufjan stevens- john wayne gacy jr.)

we long for concrete things

2010-11-27T10:15:00.004-05:00

the moment your whole life changed.

do you have one of those? maybe you can't think of one moment. maybe it was a period in your life. now, i'm not talking about the moment you accepted the Lord, clearly that moment actually saved your life.

i'm talking about the moment when you started realizing your purpose. what you were made to do. when you stopped going through the motions of life and started living every day to pursue what you were put here to do.

i was talking to 2 of my most favorite people yesterday and i ended up reliving the summer that my whole life changed. because that summer snuck up on me. i didn't know it was coming, and even while it was happening i didn't know how life-altering it would be.

i'm talking about the summer of 2008. i'm talking about the summer i made a jacket. i made a jacket and my entire life changed.

this is ricky. i met ricky in the summer of 2008. along with a crew of people who became part of a bigger purpose in my life. at the time, i just thought i was having fun and doing camp with a team of fun people.

i was wrong. i had no idea that what was happening was going to inspire and shape the rest of my life.

here's the short story. ricky was turning 21. i had known him for 2 weeks. but i wanted to make him something he really wanted. which was a jacket chris martin wore on the cover of rolling stone that month, and would continue to wear during the release and touring of the album 'viva la vida.'

so i made that jacket. i made it how i would make it. original? no. clearly it was made as a replica. but of my own sorts. after i made that jacket, i made a lot of other things. i mean, i didn't stop creating that summer. and it just kept going.

i emailed this to ricky about a year after i gave him that jacket. because a lot had happened in my life.

i was born a creative, dreamer kind of person. i've always created art of some kind as long as i can remember. the problem is when i stopped making costumes for theatre class and went to college and majored in history? i stopped surrounding myself with things to inspire me. instead, i only used my creative energy rarely and sporadically.

then i started working at skycroft and i was able to be a little creative but in weird ways.

and then it started getting really monotonous and old. and then i started to feel dead and useless inside.

and then, strangely and unexpectedly, my inspiration to create and design came back. in the form of a jacket.

you may think that sounds silly. but you need to know since i made that jacket, i haven't stopped making things. and creating art.

obviously one jacket doesn't have the power to change my career course. but it reminded me of how much i love art and creating. so, coupled with all the other things i started making, my trip to europe, doors God has been opening in weird ways, that jacket you have feels like a beginning for me.

that's it. that jacket changed my whole life. because it's not just a jacket. it's the representation of a time where God woke me up from my death in the monotony of a useless life. and He showed me a small glimpse of what i was made for. He set the stage with some incredible people who inadvertently helped to direct the course of my life. and it hasn't stopped moving forward since then. i've struggled, i've cried, i've had some pretty rotten and lonely times since then. but it's been when i've veered off the path He had set me on. it was when i started letting other things take over again.

so, i ask you. have you ever thought of the moment that your whole life changed? have you experienced that moment yet? have you seen that moment pass you by?

i can promise you that looking back and being able to see the steps He took to get you to where you are could possibly shock you. because it's weird to say that your life change is tied to a jacket.

but mine is.

what's yours tied to?

(sleeping at last- next to me)

when i'm ugly

2010-11-23T16:02:00.005-05:00

(sister-survivor.com)

my words hurt people.

today God has reminded me of a bunch of times in my life when they have done just that.

i'm not ok with how this feels.

but i know why He's brought me here.

(ashleigh brilliant)

words always have power.
the timing in which they are said adds to that power.
my words hurt people.
and it unearths the status of my heart.

(pollsb.com)

(mike schmid- to show you my love)

you were meant for amazing things

2010-11-17T23:30:00.005-05:00

last year i made a list of 27 things to do when i'm 27. i don't get to cross all of them off today. some of them get crossed off, but with variations. nonetheless, i'm pretty excited about what this year was for me.

and i'm excited to add some of the 27 back on my 28 for 28 list.

27 was a good year. but i've got this feeling that 28 is going to be great.

27 things:
3. photograph a wedding
4. go to maine, vermont & new hampshire (finally finish east coast states)
didn't finish the northeast states. i finished the northwest states instead.
6. launch website.
7. visit soundgarden in syracuse.
didn't go to soundgarden in syracuse. went to 5 indie records across the country instead.

8. go to nashville. twice.

9. climb a mountain i've never climbed

11. write a new arrangement for a dcfc song (with help)

started this. didn't finish it. and now i want to go in a different direction.

13. tell at least 1 person i love them every day
15. take photos of sean, natalie, brody, lucas, emma & ava
17. take mom on a trip
18. visit a friend i haven't seen in a long time
21. take 2 more tree photos for shannon's wall
22. take my sister out of the country

we didn't leave US soil. but we made our trip better than i could have planned. out of the country or not.

23. drive across country & stop at salvation mountain

24. eat as little processed food as i can

25. make new clothes out of old

27. encourage someone to love without fear

i'm making this list a little more accessible. because i want badly to accomplish the whole list. i can't be taking 7 trips out of the country. this list is going to be quirky but attainable.

so. without further ado.

28 for 28.

1. make homemade bagels. at least once.

2. sell a painting

3. sell a photo

4. go to maine, vermont & new hampshire OR utah & nevada, OR north dakota, minnesota & iowa OR alaska

5. take my sister out of the country

6. maintain a daily prayer journal

7. finally beat my giant

8. write a business plan & start it

9. start an editorial photo project

10. take a self portrait i'm proud of

11. simplify. everything.

12. start oil cleansing

13. create a painting for someone

14. write & illustrate a children's book

15. plan an adventure for someone else

16. design a greeting card line

17. love someone through an ugly time

18. encourage someone using few words

19. design a band poster

20. make an idea book & record 1 idea per week

21. sell unnecessary 'things'

22. take sean on an adventure

23. listen to 1 album/month, that i've never listened to before

24. take portraits & stories of nana & grandaddy

25. plan a scotland adventure with adam

26. write & design a comic book

27. complete 1 crazy project per month

28. love like leonard. love people simply. love like i can't imagine life otherwise.

change. my favorite word. it's making a permanent place in my life. and i'm working with it, but it's happening with gnashing of my teeth.

but the thing i keep telling myself is that without change, i'm dead. and i'm here to be alive.

so i'll keep fighting myself. i'll keep turning it over. because this is what's making me alive. 28? sounds about the same as 27. i know it's not going to be. there's too much on the horizon.

change. i'm starting to like it. little by little.

(sleeping at last- umbrellas)

my shadow lays with me

2010-11-04T08:37:00.007-04:00

into the wild.

i'm 3 years late seeing this.

i only now felt the urge to watch it because leonard was in it.

but then i became completely intrigued by the story after talking about it with shannon.

we're about to talk through this film, so if you've not seen it yet and you feel like you want to, continue at your own risk.

i can relate to the idea of adventure. the idea that routine life can sometimes transform us into a robotic person. i can understand the need to venture out and discover who you are in the simplicity of me + nature.

but while sometimes i have leanings of extremism, my own character tends toward short term adventure. and lots of it. so the idea of living off the land in nowhere alaska, with little to no skills, only a love of literature and the pursuit of self... it's a romantic notion. but it's also very presumptuous, borderline self-indulgent.

coming from an adventurer, that sounds judgmental and honestly, a little strange. but hearing chris mccandless' story i saw through the romance and often found myself asking 'how does he think he's going to survive out there with just a pair of jeans, some hiking boots and a machete? does he even know how to shoot a gun? this is so crazy!'

...

(here)

he was resourceful to a degree. he was book smart and used his educational wisdom to get through some battles in his wild.

(here)

there were moments when i understood his sense of peace for being alone. in the quiet. in the wild.

(here)

but i understood more the moments where he needed human connection. he had proved he could hoof it. he could survive without money. he didn't need people's help to get him from place to place.

but this was different. wayne. jan. rainey. the vampire girl. ron. there was a reason he stayed with those people. there was a reason he chose to spend lengths of time with those people.

whether he would admit it or not, he was lonely. spending 2 weeks on a self-actualization adventure is one thing. but spending 2 years alone would have anyone talking to bloody volleyballs and organic apples.

(here)

it was these moments when i related to his adventure more than anything. the rush of meeting new people and discovering why you were placed in each others' paths. the joy of community. the sense of belonging. of family. of love.

(here)

seeing leonard made me weep. hearing him talk again about his trees and how God loves us. i wept. and i watched that 2 minutes of the movie 3 times after it was over because my heart hurt so bad from the rest of it that i just wanted to feel hopeful again. leonard knight. seriously the most precious man ever...

anyhow. back to the point. what made this film/story so heartbreaking to me is the fact that chris missed the story that was happening around him. he had one goal. alaska. the wild. conquer nature. leave society.

but what i watched unfold was the story of someone who had opportunities to get involved in a life that was introducing itself to him at every turn. he was meeting people that loved him instantly and were willing to do major things for him at their own expense. he was shown love in the simplest form. yet still he had a goal. what if all those people had been signs that he was made for something else? that these people were put into his life not only to be part of this adventure, but to introduce him to his next adventure? and not an adventure of the alaskan wild. what if?

(here)

it made me think about how often we're focused on OUR goals. how we will stop at nothing to realize a goal or a dream or an idea of what our life should look like. how we fail to live in the beauty that is the chaos of life.

i picture life like a river sometimes. it's calm most of the time. but often we hit serious rapids. sometimes they are unexpected. sometimes they appear from around a sharp bend and there's no way for us to know they're coming. and sometimes we find ourselves fighting hard against the current. sometimes we embrace the rush and flow with the river.

i've been thinking a lot lately on the idea that life is made up of moments. good ones. bad ones. tough ones. easy ones. painful ones. healing ones. magical ones. but they're all beautiful. if we're able to see it. i think God places us in particular situations and it's up to us to figure out the why's and the what's next. literally to move with the wind. with the moments.

sometimes we get too focused on us and we miss the big picture. the big picture that life is moments He has created to help us live the best story. we can become like trains that are just trying to get from point a to point b and we miss the scenery outside. we don't stop once in a while to get off and explore. we don't talk to the passenger next to us. we miss the moments He has for us along the way.

this image hurts my heart. because it feels like the realization that he expected a different outcome. he expected an adventure he could handle. he expected to live off the land. he did not expect the river to rise and the animals to disappear and the moose meat to be too much to handle. he didn't expect to be trapped. and to be as lonely as he was.

(here)

this is just one idea. i may be wrong. maybe this was what his story was meant to be. maybe it all played out like it should have. but maybe he was meant for more. i don't know. regardless, God is using his story the way it happened. He used it to get me thinking. and i know i'm not alone in that: pilgrimage

at one point in the film chris says to ron

'i will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. people just need to change the way they look at things.'

but at the end. when he knows he is about to die. he writes, in pained and labored penmanship:

'happiness only real when shared.'

(here)

(eddie vedder- far behind)

after all it was a great big world

2010-10-31T13:44:00.000-04:00

the other night i was having dinner with shannon. and i told her about a recent thought i had.

at the age of 25 i spent three weeks traveling through europe. i've been to 9 european countries, 17 european cities and 3 different island groups.

i'm 27 now, almost 28, and last month i spent three weeks traveling the united states. i saw 19 total states and because of this trip only have 9 more states to visit before i've seen all 50.

people don't get to do that every day. most people will never do that in a lifetime.

sometimes i forget that i don't live a normal life. sometimes i forget that i have been blessed beyond belief by the things i've done, the places i've been able go, the experiences i've been able to have.

i forget that normal people don't get to traipse around the world on a semi-regular basis.

i needed to remind myself of that.

looking back over the past few years, i feel very overwhelmed and can only thank Jesus for giving me passion, desire and above all the ability and freedom to do the things that i do.

just know that i do not take any of it for granted.

blessed doesn't seem to cover it.

(tom petty- american girl)

now i think she's ready to go

2010-10-28T23:31:00.018-04:00

epic shlishy roadtrip in photos
recap # 7

get ready for the end...
because it's here.

enjoy the last leg. :o)

driving into san francisco. grace at the wheel. em on the camera.

golden dollar. suck it trebek, oregon gas station man.

we get to the toll booth before the bridge.

em takes some rad shots driving over the bridge. good stuff.

we get into san fran. drop the car off at the airport parking.
release stink bugs.
they tell us to get our own car when we come back.
rudesies. also. wimps.

take the bart into the city to meet denis, uncle dave & aunt pat.
see a wicked awesome cross dresser as soon as we get off the bart.
welcome to san francisco.
i'm in love.

find the irish pub in the alley.
drink some guinness with the fam. have an excellent time.
say goodbye to uncle dave & aunt pat.
head through chinatown to denis' apartment.
have wine on the roof.
get locked out of the apt.
denise climbs down the creepy ladder.
saves the day.
we laugh about rude house guests.
good stuff.

pod #15

wake up. em takes a sweet shot out the window of the apt.
did i mention san francisco is freakin' awesome?

start walking through chinatown.
find coffee. expensive.
find map. expensive.
and mostly useless.
start our day of walking.
goal: to walk to the golden gate bridge. walk over the bridge. walk back to the haight.
yes. seriously.

get to fisherman's wharf.
see alcatraz.

sister shot at the wharf.

see the sea lions at the pier. they are funny. and fight a lot.

this guy is clearly the king.

gull on the wharf.

grandma grizzly.

she's so snuggly.

get a frozen banana. this is for you, mcgown.

see what rosie did?

sad day, no more tower records.
get to lombard. look up lombard. we want to walk up lombard.
before we walk:

stop for a break near some hydrangea.

we make it to the top. sweet!

proof:

we see a streetcar.
i think about the movie the princess diaries.
no joke.

also we see ninja turtles.

we then walk a lot more.
we walk a lot. we think the bridge is a lot closer.
*objects may appear closer than they are*

emily takes a break to pass out.
we're so close. but we're also insane at this point.

really, this is quite normal.

sister shots on the bridge. :o)

yes. i realize this is the money shot. i know it's good. :o)

take a cab to the haight. to go here:
the no. 1 music store in the country.
we get into quite a lot of trouble here.
and by trouble i mean, we find a lot of music we needed.
needed= loosely defined.

eat pizza at escape from new york.
walk down haight st.

find the grateful dead house on ashbury. our parents painted this a few years ago.
not really. but they could have. :o)

find bob. he has a good word for us:
meet denis & james for dinner and drinks.
talk a lot about architecture. glass engineering. apple. steve jobs.
we know important people.
meet diana for drinks after dinner.
talk about a lot of hilarious things.
head home for the night.
some of us in a hilarious stooper...
:o)

pod #16

wake up early. get this shot from the window.
location, people. and this one is stellar.
pick up ruby. drive over bridges. feel a little ill.
drive through a lot of flat, desert-like california. yuck.
drive through LA. still dislike it.
finally get to san diego.
eat breakfast burritos.
no photos this time. you're welcome tyler.
start the reconnecting.

meet up with elise. see the WEEPIES!
sweet, sweet sleep.

pod #17
we do a whole lot of nothing.
sleep in late. feels pretty darn awesome.
drink coffee. eat a chocolate covered espresso bean.
emily gets 2. i only get 1.
eat burritos.

visit with friends.

pod #18

wake up. so ready for our last adventure.
get coffee. and chocolate covered espresso beans.
emily gets 2. i get 1.
rude.
seriously.
seriously?

start the drive to niland, ca to see...... SALVATION MOUNTAIN!!

drive through the desert. do not get lost. just take lots of adventurous roads. :o)

we see salvation mountain. we just don't know how to get there. so we drive through people's yards and driveways. oops.
at least we're not a gang.
because they're not allowed.

salvation. mountain.
finally.
before you look. understand that this is a place that will live in my heart forever.
it's a place that will remind you that you can do anything, even if it seems crazy.
but this place would not be as magical without leonard. you'll see him soon.
for now, take in the art & magic that is salvation mountain.

the most precious man to ever live. leonard knight.

the real wizard of oz.

the last epic band photo of #epicshlishyroadtrip

our surrogate gramps.

my all-time favorite.
in. love.

happy cows come from california? really?
because all 12 million cows live together?
does that = happiness?
live together, die alone.

yikes.

pod #19
the last one.

the death of my burlap toms. yiiiiikes.

get home. em shoots a little music video.
last night dinner at sapporo.
last sister shot of the trip:

trade lots of music. pack. it's not pretty. there's a lot of stuff for me to take home.
battling the urge to cry at every moment.
at every memento from the trip that i start to pack away.

sleep. wake up so, so early. head to the airport.
the lines are long. making our goodbye all the more longer.

cry through a quick goodbye before heading through security.

as i tweeted when i got home:
in comparison, the return journey really sucked.

but i'm home.
and i had a good welcome.

i'll be writing about my feelings from this journey. but i won't be too specific.
this was a time full of moments.
a time i actually wouldn't want to do over because it was perfect the first time around.
it was a time of learning more about my sister than i ever dreamed i would.
probably the same for her.
but maybe not.

it was a journey made up of moments. and i'll keep those moments close.
because this meant more to me than i can ever put into words.
and those are the best kinds of journeys.

(art by elise)

(fun.- take your time[coming home])

when all the parts equal more than the sum

2010-10-15T01:16:00.016-04:00

epic shlishy roadtrip in photos

recap #6

(again, a lot of photos. you love it. i know.)

roll into pullman, washington in the evening. safely.
go to sara's apartment. so cute.
so good to be with family on our trip.
go to dinner in moscow, idaho @ nectar.
super yums.
eat cougar gold mac 'n cheese.

sleep in a super comfortable bed.
wake up late. go to breakfast at old european. so, so good.

hungarian goulash. abelschivers. german potato pancakes.

super yums.

for our lostie friends.

sister photo :o)
adventure into moscow again to drop off ruby for her doctors appt.

go to this super cute coffee shop. because of their 'real pumpkin latte.'

this was. for real. the VERY best latte i've ever had.

working on my own recipe that i shall try when i get home.

half cute/half 'i look terrible' sister photo

go to visit the bears at washington state.

pick apples at the wsu orchard. :o)

nice rome apple.

even em partakes in choosing apples.
clearly she loves it.

no, seriously she loves apples.

super fun times with sara showing us around pullman.

find an apple lodged between branches. we're perplexed.

try to let emily pick potatoes. they are not ready to be picked yet.
so she stands in the field. with her people.

this photo is awesome.

visited the bighorn sheep at wsu.
that guy had big horns.
seriously.

visit ferdinand's for cheese and pumpkin ice cream.

emily eats sweet basil cheese curds. she makes me try them.
entices me by saying they're less squeaky than the last curds she ate.
gross.

i try them anyway. turns out they don't squeak and were pretty good.

ice cream and cheese. last hurrah before getting ruby back.

pick up ruby. pay for her sick bill.
it hurts.
welcome to adulthood.

say goodbye to sara. start driving to seattle.
it's dark. i'm driving again.
you know what happens.

pod #12

arrive in seattle pretty late. meet rachel. she's awesome.
hang out. drink wine. chat about life.
sleep.

wake up and head to pike place.

go to a french cafe. drink good coffee. eat delicious pastries.
super yums.

see the infamous fish market. watch the guys throw fish. it smells bad.

brought to you by wet snugglebunnies:

flowers. produce. wares. lots of people. very crowded. but so fun.

gum wall.

it smells horrible.
i mean, disgusting.

i watched these kids take gum off the wall.
and eat it.

their dads were not watching.
this is 1,394,948 pieces of pre-chewed gum.

it smells horrible.

sister photo after smelling the wall.

head to easy street records. #5 record store in the country.
it was great.

we did some serious damage. worth it.

head to ballard. sushi for lunch.
super yums.

go to sonic boom. #16 record store in the country.

go to cupcake royale.
legalize frostitution.

say goodbye to rachel.

couch surfing stay #2 = super success.

leave seattle.

this photo is for sarah:

pod #13

drive to portland,oregon. meet alyssa and angie. thanks to mcgown.
they are awesome.
decide to adventure into the portland night-time scene.

head to deschutes brewery.
eat elk meatballs and drink some very local/yummy beers.
talk a lot.
good stuff.

go to voodoo doughnuts.
we don't really like doughnuts.
but these were weird. and good.
also the scene was fun.
and also made uber gross by my darling, dainty sister.
blech.

wake up. great coffee with alyssa and ang. say goodbye to new friends & great hostesses.
head into the city where the portland marathon has been happening beneath the apartment complex all morning.

cheer some people on at the finish line.
emily cries.
she loves watching old people running.
and finishing races.

finally navigate our way around the race.
find coffee and breakfast burritos. they were good.

don't they look delicious tyler?
spend the rest of the day without the cameras. exploring portland.
shopping in way-fun vintage stores. enjoying the artsyness. falling in love with this city.

leave portland. sad day.

get a $2 bill at a gas station in oregon from an old creeperton.

hilarity ensues.

pod #14

drive a lot. through oregon. finally get into northern california.
start driving to happy camp to stay with lisa.

we think the road will never end.
we may throw up.
it's so windy. and so dark.
and there's so much mountain.
finally make it to happy camp at 1:30 AM.

pass out.

wake up. chat with lisa for a bit. leave for san fran.

stop and see bigfoot before we leave happy camp.

drive along the klamath river. pretty.

stop here for gas. don't know how to say where here is.

mt. shasta.

drive south. through the mountains. almost to san fran...

(band of horses- nw apartment)

just a weary pilgrim

2010-10-08T02:22:00.007-04:00

epic shlishy roadtrip in photos

recap #5

(there are a LOT of photos in this one. enjoy.)

explore fort robinson, ne.

take another epic band photo

see wild horses. find photo of the day.

take another epic band photo

we now need a band.

leave fort robinson, ne. drive into south dakota through pine ridge reservation.

stop on scenic road. find crazy saloon and buy cute knit hats for $1.

visit the badlands. search for prairie dogs begins.

search for healthy prairie dogs begins.

look a buffalo in the face.

sister photo in the badlands.

emily wants a prairie dog for a pet. she will save it from the plague.

find a baby elk. or bighorn sheep. not really sure. stare it in the face.

emily embraces the bandlands. and the wind. we try not to blow into a canyon.

leave the badlands. find and attack a bear in wall.

visit wall drug. because we have to. because 3,429 billboards tell us so. eat pumpkin ice cream.

find a few guys to date/take photos with.

leave wall drug. stop to photograph/video this sunset.

in love with art. God. fresh air. beauty.

drive into keystone, sd. stop at a great old general store for pizza & conversation.

find these guys hanging out at night.

find a campground. give them $5. set up tent at night. again.
search for bathroom.
all are locked.
for real camping begins.
almost get attacked by wild animal. emily gets a little scared.
we figure out it's just a deer.
not scared anymore.
just tired.

pod #9

wake up in keystone, sd to this:

realize the campground was probably closed. they are tearing down cabins with bulldozer as we wake up.

find these guys in the daylight. they look good in sunshine.

also find custer. and his mom.

we're too short to become heads ourselves.

but that doesn't stop us from trying.

go to crazy horse memorial. find photos of the day. learn a lot about american indians.

start driving out of south dakota. find this:

take a LOT of photos at boondocks.

get attacked by a raptor.

it really hurt.

and it's still hurting.

no one's home.

so we play games at the carnival.

and take naps in bathtubs.

and find cars i want to own.

drive to deadwood. so cool.

saloon no. 10. wild bill hickok dies. black aces and 8's. deadman's hand.

i want to play poker and get in bar fights. but not get shot in the back.

leave deadwood. enter back into wyoming in time for yet another beautiful sunset.

drive into montana.
montana becomes our state for multiple adventures of the car variety.

fear we'll run out of gas on the crow reservation.
find a gas station.
thankfully. because it's late. and there's nothing here.

drive a lot. too tired. stop in big timber, montana for some sleep.
wake up rude lady at the front desk.
sleep next door to a wild bear.
or a snoring trucker.
become freakishly intrigued by sister wives. it's weird.
finally drift to sleep.

pod #10

pod #10.5

wake up in big timber, montana. wow. for real big sky.

drive through a lot of beautiful places.

stop in bozeman, mt for coffee. cute. emily wants to live there. coffee is good.

stop in missoula, mt for lunch. turkey sandwich on pumpkin bagel. so. good.

get back in the car. realize the speedometer is not working. in fact, it's going crazy.

stop to consult dad/mom/doug.
phone service = non existent.
get pulled over for speeding.
get out of ticket.
montana policeman is pretty nice.
keep driving.
realize our odometer and tripometer are no longer working.
decide to keep driving to pullman, wa to fix the car.

re-learn physics. to tell how fast we're going.

we're pretty smart.

cross into idaho. it's foggy. and pretty.

cross into washington. rolling hills. the palouse. ready to get to sara's apartment and fix the car.

pod #11

next: pullman, wa and beyond...

(this has been one of the greatest adventures of my life. i am blessed.)

dolly parton- travelin' thru

dashboard melted, but we still have the radio

2010-10-06T14:17:00.011-04:00

epic shlishy roadtrip in photos
recap #4

leave oakley, ks. drive through colorado. stop in flagler.

emily wants to move here.
and everywhere we stop.

eat lunch in this cool diner. meet the nicest waitress in the world. or just colorado. but really. she was nice.

arrive in denver, co. meet jarrod and jess, our couch surfing hosts. we all go to dinner. then:

jimmy. eat. world.
ogden theatre.
FREE.
fantastic.

checking out denver. love, love.

yarn bombing.

downtown denver. coors field. take me out to the ballgame.

just playing some chess in denver.

bubble tea! reunited finally!

yes. denver has 300 days of sunshine a year. who knew?
now you do.
you're welcome.

pod 8
10.4

just outside denver. stop for a mexican cop movie. seriously.

also. colorado. gorgeous. rocky mountains = love.

first sighting of prairie dogs.

cheyenne, wy. stop to charge and post. ha.

sunset in cheyenne.

drive through wyoming and into nebraska in the dark.

turn off the headlights again.

emily should stop letting me drive at night.

arrive in nebraska. we think we've leapt back in time. seriously.

morning. campsite. first time we've seen it. fort robinson, ne.

up next: fort robinson, ne to rapid city, sd!!

we're still excited. are you?

see you so, so soon.

(modest mouse- dashboard)

home is wherever i'm with you

2010-10-03T14:32:00.011-04:00

epic shlishy roadtrip in pictures
recap #3

leave new orleans. pass roller coasters & water park. emily wants jump out and ride. it's closed. keep driving.

arrive in alexandria to see this guy:

tour calvary baptist. luke's apartment. eat dinner. have an epic photo shoot.

say goodbye to luke johnson. leave alexandria. head northwest to shreveport. late night driving.

pod 5
10.1

arrive in awesomely sketch motel outside of dallas. sleep for a few hours.

take another epic band photo.

leave texas. enter oklahoma. find this:

what kel's bedroom would look like if she had all the money she could dream of:

take time to dress up in the kid's section of museum.

leave paul's valley, oklahoma. lunch with kris in norman. go past oklahoma university. huge football stadium. town is dead. football game in texas. go sooners.

get to oklahoma city. find the memorial.

survivor tree.

pod 6
10.2

leave oklahoma. drive through to kansas.

stop in wichita for ice and salami. it's dark. very dark. i drive without the lights on through the flat, black plains of northwest kansas. emily cusses at me.

we arrive in oakley kansas where we are to camp. can't find the campground. it's so dark. end up at annie oakley's motel.

wake up. visit buffalo bill. leave oakley.

pod 7
10.3

pass the biggest prairie dog at prairie dog town. definitely do not stop. next adventure: colorado. wyoming. nebraska.

so, so good.
see you soon.

(edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros- home)

don't know why, but i can't stay

2010-10-03T10:27:00.011-04:00

epic shlishy roadtrip in pictures

recap # 2

last day in nashville

we find third man. but it's closed. sad day. but we took a kick a band photo.

find downtown church for em.

say goodbye to our friendlies. i 20% watch a harry potter movie. i can tell you what color dress the girl wore.

pod 3
9.29
third man studios, nashville

leave nashville. drive through alabama and mississippi with this girl:

spend the day looking through the african village and getting police escorted to eat bbq.

pod 4
9.30african village of america

arrive in new orleans

cajun dinner with tyler and his rooms. walking around jackson square and down bourbon st. beignets and coffee at cafe du monde

lunch and TENT SHOPPING :o) say goodbye to tyler. leave new orleans.

next installment... alexandria, la to kansas.
quite an adventure.

we're having fun. hope you are too.
:o)

(arcade fire- keep the car running)

please don't take my highway shoes

2010-09-28T16:24:00.003-04:00

oh, hey nashville. nice to see you again.

yesterday we started epic shlishy roadtrip.

first stop: buckhannon, wv to see this girl:

and to take our first
'photo of the day'

sunset from the road. in kentucky:

and today. first day in nashville. em's VERY first day in nashville. they're already fast friends.

and POD:

stay tuned. for some pretty great moments. and hopefully pretty great photos and music. :o)

(bob dylan- down the highway)

this is my mind

2010-09-21T20:42:00.004-04:00

some things i know about this life of mine:

- i will have a home, not a house

- i will probably never settle with one 'career' for my whole life

- i will always love encouraging people

- i will always have a current soundtrack to my life

- i will always read 4-7 books at the same time

- i will often love people in the ways i want to be loved

lookie here

- i will always like making people feel special & worthy

- i will often find it hard to love people unconditionally

- i will always push you but will often fight it if you try to push me

- i will always have a hard time letting people see my heart

- i will always have a list of 20 songs that pierce my heart every time i hear them

- i will always love paris

- i will sing forever. but i won't always need to be onstage

- i will always share my opinion and will often forget to ask first

- i will always accept you where you are. but will always encourage you to be a better you

- art and music will forever inspire my heart

- i will always have more than 4 projects i'm working on simultaneously

- i will always doubt myself at first

- i will always be proud of you for being brave and bold

- i will often need to be reminded to be brave and bold myself

- i will often have a hard time admitting when i'm wrong

- i will always use lyrics to explain how i'm feeling

lookie here

- i will always use lyrics to relate to how you're feeling

- i will always make up stories and daydream in color

- i will often forget that encouraging people is not about me

- i will always be messier than i want to be

- i will always have a lot of things to do

- i will always want to do more

- i will always feel like i have too much

- i will always dress any way i feel like, and will probably never match

- i will often be afraid of truth but always seeking it

- i will always live in a sweet, sweet chaos

- i will have a home, not a house

lookie here

(kate nash- mouthwash)

without you things go hazy

2010-09-15T13:58:00.004-04:00

today my brain is on music overload. i mean, i was so overwhelmed this morning that i had to share all the goodness with melissa and my sis.

and my brain has just been racing lately. with ideas and thoughts and revelations and realizations and... and...

my brain is on overload.

one thought i wanted to share. more like an observation. right now i am a major, MAJOR fan of musical couplings. one male voice. one female voice. and any kind of instrumentation accompanying them. good thing for me, there is a plethora out there right now. here are my super-faves:

the civil wars (john paul white & joy williams):

the swell season (glen hansard & marketa irglova):

eastmountainsouth (peter bradley adams & kate maslich):

damien rice & lisa hannigan:

rosi golan & peter bradley adams:
(she'll be making more appearances here, excellente)

jenny & johnny:

derek webb & sandra mccracken:

rosi golan & william fitzsimmons:

the weepies (deb talan & steve tannen):

she's spanish i'm american (josh rouse & paz suay):

trent dabbs & joy williams:

isobel campbell & mark lanegan

(realized the first song was not a good representation of their sound together. here's a better listen)

the open sea (rosi golan & ari hest):

please check them out: http://www.myspace.com/theopenseasongs

she & him (zooey deschanel & m.ward)

(shame on me for not including them in the original post. shame.)

there is something to be said for a simple male/female duo singing beautiful, simple harmonies together. collaborations are brilliant. especially when they're super organic. there are lots out there, hope you enjoyed these.

what collaborations to love, love?

(rosi golan- hazy)